Drivers

Have you ever noticed that no matter where you drive that you are always one of the few decent drivers on the road? Almost everybody else is either an idiot or an asshole. The undecided, slow moving driver in your way? Idiot. The fast moving, decisive driver going around you? Asshole. See what I mean?

I was driving to work the other day and I was stuck behind someone who was insistent on maintaining at least a quarter mile following distance behind the car in front. While driving in the left lane. We all know that the left lane of any multi-lane road is the only lane to drive in don’t we? This guaranteed that the traffic backing up behind us all passed on the right and cut back into the left lane as soon as possible, causing the driver to slow down even more. Idiot. When I hang back a ways from the vehicle in front of me it is always for a good reason. Like, the other vehicle’s brake lights don’t work, the road conditions warrant it, or because I think the other driver is an idiot and I don’t want to be near them. Of course this makes everybody that passes me an asshole.

Or what about left turns? When the person in front of you will not pull out past the stop line in heavy traffic and commit to the turn before the light changes, passes up many opportunities to turn and then slides through the intersection when the light is red causing mayhem around them. Idiot. Of course when it happens to me, it is because I can’t trust the oncoming idiots not to hit me. Since I am concentrating on that and the impatient asshole behind me so much, when I have a gap I trust and take it, I notice that it was because the light had changed. Oops! Sorry!

Parking lots are another fun place to drive. The person that drives behind you while you are backing out? Asshole. The person that backs out in front of you? Idiot. The car cutting through the parking lot across the spaces? Asshole. The driver that can’t decide where they are going that you have to cut across the parking lot to avoid? Idiot. The driver stalking shoppers to get the prime spots and bottlenecking everything? Idiot. The driver that curb hops the parking island to pass you while you are waiting on a spot? Asshole. Parking lots are such fun!

I’m sure you have many examples yourself of what I am talking about. Your favorite "moves" that spike your blood pressure and fuel your righteous indignation. The left turn from the right lane. The person that won’t let you change lanes when you need to. The driver that gives you the finger while you’re trying to grab the juice box your kid just dropped before it all spills on the seat and you waited too long at the green light.

I guess when it is all said and done, we should just relax a bit. Accept that it will take a few extra seconds or maybe even minutes to get to work, the store, Moms house or wherever. Save the wear and tear on our circulatory system, the stress headaches, the road rage. After all, we are somebody else’s idiot. Or, asshole.